You know you’re a parent when….

-At 1 pm your coworker informs you that you have poop smeared all over the side of your shirt and you don’t think to change your shirt because you only have 5 hours of work left. (And you are so used to the aroma of your child’s feces that you didn't notice the smell all day.)

-You’re pleased your car only smells like sour milk on a hot summer day, and you actually welcome the smell, as opposed to what your once loved vehicle could smell like.   

-You retire for the evening at 9 pm and you think- why did I stay up so late?

-You “forget” how to tell time and accidentally tuck your tiny tot into bed at 7 pm, not 8 pm…. (Oops!  I don’t know how I could momentarily forget how to read a clock. Luckily, it just so happened that The Real Housewives was on early so I found a way to fill my extra hour of quiet time.)

-You wake up to the rowdy neighbors kids walking home from the bars at 2 am and think to yourself- disrespectful kids- and then complain about it the entire next day and claim that your child will never be that disrespectful. 

-You cringe at the thought of fireworks on the 4^th of July, (for 1 of 2 reasons- 1. Because the loud booms might wake up your sleeping child-which will lead to a long, exhausting night  OR   2. Your child will drag you outside on the front steps to look at the fireworks all while getting eaten alive by mosquitoes-which I’m sure are just as painful as gunshot wounds.)   

-You find yourself using your child’s fears against them just to make your night a little easier (for instance- if Chase doesn't want to brush his teeth, I give him 2 options- he can either brush his teeth or jump in a jumpy castle (You know, one of those large inflatable jumpy castles that are at birthday parties and block parties?).  For some reason my child is frightened of these- which works out great for me, I can use it to negotiate teeth brushing with him and I never have to crawl inside those hot, sticky castles and bump into other people’s cranky children and convince them it was another child in the castle that actually pushed them over- and not you- because you don’t want to have to deal with their parents) Overall, It’s a win-win.