Say What?

Within the last 24 hours I have had to say many things to my child that I never once thought I would ever have to say…

1.       “Please stop putting pink milk on your pee-pee.”  (After all, flavored milk is expensive.)

2.       “Please stop licking my arm, it is getting sticky.”  (I mainly put a stop to the licking because I didn't want to have to take a shower today.)

3.       “Please stop tickling me with your chicken finger.  I don’t want to smell like BBQ sauce.” (Like the smell should be the only reason I don’t want to be tickled with my toddler’s dinner.)

4.       “Please stop telling the Walmart greeters that your daddy drinks beer.” (Because everyone knows the appropriate place for a toddler to tell the workers about his father’s leisure activities is at a liquor store. And yes, my child has been in a liquor store and announced to the cashier that, “Chasey loves wine.” Stop judging.)

5.       “Please take the quarters out of your diaper.” (For the love of God, I’m not raising a Chip and Dales dancer.  Not that my child can’t do that in the future if that is his dream- but I at least want to raise a college educated stripper, so the dancing career will need to be put on the back burner for now. Although, after these conversations, I don’t think I need to rush to start a college fund.)

Sometimes I am amazed at the conversations I have with my child. But I guess my job as a parent is to teach.  I just hope the lessons don’t become more difficult than instructing my toddler not to put strawberry milk on his genitals; otherwise I may not be able to keep up.