Toddler Talk

There is something pure about my child’s thoughts and his not-yet-learned shame.  I love my child’s innocence when it comes to not understanding that some things are not appropriate (or nice) to say even if you may think them.  Within the last 24 hours Chase has said two things that I wish I could say without feeling guilty or awkward.

Last night, while playing Chase farted and instead of saying, “Excuse me” (which would have been the socially appropriate response), he announced with a grin, “I just pooped a little,” and continued on playing as if this isn't out of the ordinary.  (That’s right, my sweet child “sharted” himself and then bragged about it.) If only I could shart myself throughout the day and continue on as if nothing happened.   

Shortly after the sharting incident, while driving home, I had to slam on the breaks to avoid hitting a deer that naturally stood still in the middle of the road staring at me as if I was in the way.  (I finally understand the phrase, “like a deer in the headlines.”) It took everything in me to refrain from using foul language in front of my little passenger as my brakes squeaked in the background. (Apparently, it's not socially appropriate to use the F-word in front of a toddler.  And no, I'm not one of those clueless parents that had to learn that from a parenting book.  I'm not that dedicated to reading a whole book. I read it in a magazine.  Ya know, not one that I actually paid for, I scanned an article while waiting in line at the grocery store to purchase my Little Debbie snacks and a case of Mountain Dew.)  After our vehicle came to a halt and I composed myself, Chase said, “Oh, Mama, I want to shoot that deer.”  Touché, child, touché. I don’t think PETA would appreciate me saying I wanted to murder (well, rather slaughter at that point) a deer, but it’s pretty honest coming out of the mouth of a 2 year old who is wearing camouflage pajamas.

I have decided that my child will do all of my speaking for me from here on out.  I mean, what could go wrong? 

"Mommy, smell my skanky (aka stinky) butt on the counter"- Chase
He is charming, simply charming.  
Most parents like to post cute pictures of their children playing in the backyard or petting a puppy. Sadly, (for Chase) I'm not that parent.  Hey, not every picture you take of your child is pretty, or should even be seen by the general public.  But honestly how many pictures can you look at of children petting puppies?  Personally, I would rather look at awkward everyday pictures... On that note, I apologize in advance "teenage Chase".