Urine Soaked Bed and Breastfeeding on the Toilet

We all know that parenting isn't always what it looks like on television. Well actually, it isn't like TV at all.  Family dinners aren't relaxed.  Parents don’t actually sip wine while their little tykes use their utensils to eat their five course meals.  We all know the reality is that we all sit down with a bowl of Spaghetti O’s and a can of Mountain Dew and claim dinner a victory if our little ones only leaves the table four times to have meltdowns on the floor because he wanted a fork, not a spoon or his milk spilt too closely to his bowl or because it’s Monday.  TV never shows these things.  But lucky for me, I'm all about the imperfections of parenting, because frankly, it's those moments that keep me afloat. So I have (bravely) decided to share a couple of my parenting lows.  (Please say these have happened to other people and I'm not the only one.  Although looking back, I may be standing alone.) 

Parenting Low: One morning my child peed my bed at 5 am.  So, I did the only logical thing I could think of doing at that ungodly hour of the morning; I laid a towel over it and slept for another 45 minutes until I had to get up for work.  You think laying in bed with a toddler who’s wearing only his skivvies, laying on top of a bath town to prevent urine from soaking into my skin so, fingers crossed, I didn't have to shower would be an all-time parenting low for me, but no.  My lowest, low came just a few short weeks after my little ball of sunshine was born.  (Here goes nothing, no judgement please.  Well, go ahead and judge.  If I didn't know myself, I would judge the hell out of my parenting skills as well.)

Major Parenting Low: A few weeks after Chase was born, I got the stomach flu.  Having the stomach flu in general is miserable, but having the stomach flu and still having to take care of another human being is awful, especially when that human being has just recently entered the world and relies solely on you to fill his little belly.  With that being said, I sure as heck wasn't going to ask anyone for help because, of course it may take a village to raise other people’s children, but certainly not mine (or so I was, and still kind of am, determined to prove.  But that’s a topic for a therapy session).  So, here I found myself sitting on the toilet, breastfeeding my three week old infant (because, apparently, a three week old doesn't know that mommy is sick and should wait until mommy can properly poop and wipe herself to eat) all while eating a piece of cake (because after all, I was a breastfeeding mom and frequently hungry). So out of this was born our family rule:  You can eat snacks in the bathroom only if you use a fork.  Because using your hands would be inhumane.   The sad part was, at the end of this day I remember thinking, I totally got this. (Where was this chapter in my parenting book.  It must have been chapter, “Too real and disgusting to discuss out loud.”) #don'tpretendlikeyoudon'tmultitaskonthetoilet

On a side note: Cory, Chase and I were driving the other day and Cory was eating some sort of dessert bar he purchased from a gas station.  You know, the kind that are wrapped in saran wrap at the register, glaring at you, making you salivate until you slyly reach out your hand and swipe the bar bringing it to the glass part of the counter, ending up right on top of 20 different lottery tickets (also tempting).  Any who, I had mentioned to Cory that the bar will not taste as delicious as the bars my mom makes.  Then this got me to thinking: Is there any food that Chase will feel that my version of the food is better than anyone else’s?  So Cory asked Chase, “What food do you like that Mommy cooks?”  Chase didn't answer.  There was only silence.  Well silence and the sound of crickets. The silence was unbearable so Cory asked Chase again.  After a few seconds Chase answered, “Flowers and clouds.”  Seriously child?  You couldn't come up with one legitimate type of food that I make well, so you pulled flowers and clouds out of your a**?  Thanks!

Anywho, Happy Tuesday!

Yup. I found Chase sleeping behind his door one night instead of in his bed,  I'm sure he totally thinks he won the bedtime battle.  And yeah, this night he kinda did.