Sneezing, Impending harassment, Shell of a Person

The other day I sneezed in front of my children.  And this was what ensued... 

Chase pretended to sneeze. 

Then Ryder pretended to sneeze obnoxiously.  

Then Chase pretended to sneeze even more obnoxiously.  

Then Ryder somehow proceeded to sneeze even more obnoxiously than Chase just had.  The energy from his pretend sneeze flung him across the room landing almost on top of my feet.

Then I stood there, dumbfounded and asked in clarification, “Ok, just so I am understanding this correctly.  Instead of simply doing the kind thing and saying “Bless You” to me and moving on with your day like normal humans, your natural instincts were to keep making fun of me over and over and over again?” 

Both of the crotch goblins looked at each other and then Ryder spoke for the two of them and replied, “Yes.” 

Then Chase pretended to sneeze obnoxiously again. 

And I just backed out of the room showing nothing but the look disgust and disappointment on my face as I slipped away... into the bathroom to change my pants... because I didn’t want my children to know that my sneeze actually made me pee my pants.

I would never be able to emotionally recover from that impending harassment from a 7 and 12-year-old.   

So, if anyone is wondering why I am just a shell of a person at this point, this is why. 

Nothing is normal about parenting this tiny human.