Thursday, May 4, 2023

Lady Parts, Life Goals, QuikTrip Bathroom

High School teachers: “If you work hard and apply yourself, you can be anything you want to be.”  

18-year-old me: “I will spend 4 years in college to become a writer. I will travel the world and change every life I touch by seeking justice and truth.”  


22-year-old me: “I listened to everyone’s adviceI worked hardI will reach all of my goalsThe sky is the limit.” 


36-year-old me standing outside of a gas station bathroom with my 7-year-old peeking his blonde head out informing me: “Good news- I made it to the bathroomBad news-I had explosive diarrhea, and I broke the toilet.”  


Apparently, my real-life goals were to say the F-word out loud in front of a line of children with their legs crossed anxiously waiting for their turn to use a now broken toilet at a QuikTrip gas station while simultaneously flushing my fancy $40,000 college degree down that same QuikTrip toilet.  


Rip your lady parts open and never sleep again, they said.  It’ll be fun they said. 


Oh wait, I think the actual phrase is; Have children they saidIt’ll be fun they said.  


But really, samesies 



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