Soccer Mom and a Vampire

This summer Chase chose to participate in a soccer class.  And I say “participate” loosely.  Chase loved running up and down the field, kicking the ball and playing with friends.  Well, until the last 5 minutes of each practice when the team scrimmaged. 

Each child was handed a red or yellow jersey to put on.  All was fine and dandy until one evening, Chase was handed a yellow jersey- THE HORROR! He was not pleased with being on the “mustard” team, and let everyone know.  And then from that night on, he was given a yellow jersey. Every. Single. Time.

Cory and I would close our eyes every day when jerseys were passed out, almost praying our child to be handed a red jersey.  We must have horrible karma.

But if we thought scrimmage time was fun, you should guess what is more fun than 5 and 6 year olds playing scrimmage… when 5 and 6 year olds plus their parents play.  Wait, I may be getting fun and dangerous confused.  Yeah, as it turns out, I am getting them confused.  It is all fun and games until your child gets not one, but two soccer balls to the chest, delivered straight to him from his father, kicking full force with a tiny Chase 5 feet away.  Oh, and all while wearing a yellow jersey.  #soccersucks

But you know, we have the soccer team photo to help us remember this special soccer summer.

Wait for it.  Wait for it.   Ahh, there is our sweet Chasey standing nicely next to his friend.  Oh wait, my darling Chasey is standing to the right of the child standing nicely by his friend.  Silly me and my aging eyesight.  

Why is it that every other parents gets a picture of their little nugget smiling and enjoying soccer.  I get a picture of my child, arms crossed pretending to be a vampire in a coffin.  I don’t want to stifle his creativity, but come on.  There are no vampires- or coffins for that matter- in soccer.  And frankly, sometimes, I just want you to follow directions without spicing it up a bit.  Oh, and did I mention that it was a group picture, so not only do I get a picture of my vampire child to put on my fridge but so does every other soccer mom on the team?

In other vampire news, I have spent the last week cutting vampire teeth out of every white cardboard box around so Chase can pretend that he is a vampire.  This activity is then followed up by bracing myself for my child’s disapproving feelings after the cardboard vampire teeth become soggy from his slimy spit. Every. F-ing. Time.  #chroniclesofavampiremom

Daily Forhead Smack… (I'm surprised I don't have a gigantic bruise smack dab in the middle of my forhead.)

Grandpa Jim: “Chase get your shoes on so we can go to the movies.”

               -Crickets-

Grandpa Jim repeats: “Chase get your shoes on so we can go to the movies.”

Chase stares blankly at Grandpa for a few seconds and then scurries off.  He returns eating chocolate pudding.

Chase: “You said to get my shoes on so I started eating pudding.”

They never made it to the movies.

Forehead Smack.