Kindergarten Screening, Forehead Smack.

So yesterday my beloved Chasey had his kindergarten screening.  (On a side note he isn't going to school until fall 2016.)  I registered Chase for this awhile ago and have been stressing ever since. Since my child didn't do stellar at his 4 year check up I thought we were doomed for his kindergarten screening.  Turns out, we were only slightly doomed. In all honesty, my child did great and I was proud of him. But in true Chase fashion, his appointment (or school meeting, as we described it to Chase) had us laughing, and shaking our heads, many, many (many) times.  

Anyone who knows me, knows that I can be somewhat of an anxious Annie. And this appointment didn't leave me without anxiety.  I was up the night before with stomach aches hoping that all went well for my child, but most importantly, for the poor person conducting the screening. I hoped and prayed there wouldn't be tears (on anyone's part) or foul words thrown in all directions (again from anyone. Especially my child). In an attempt to make this appointment go smoothly for everyone involved, we spent weeks talking about it, reading books about school and bribing. Yes, I did say bribing.  Chase had a "big toy" on the line. 

I fear for when my child has his first college interview. If I was this much of a mess for his kindergarten screening, I can't imaging the amount of medication I will need to be on for that day.  Cory said that he doesn't think I would be allowed in any college interview.  Silly Cory, he doesn't know how persistent I can be.  

As soon as we walked into the school we were greeted at the door. The woman conducting the screening asked Chase to step on the scale. And of course my child got tears in his eyes and refused. My heart sank. I thought the whole appointment would be doomed and he would only be able to attend kindergarten in the fall of 2023.  But, of course this woman had seen this before and invited chase to start his day off with "playing games" instead. (Silly Chase, they weren't games, they were tests masked by blocks, pictures and drawings.  Well played school district. Well played). Chase did great throwing bean bags on target (of course Cory's proud parenting moment.  For some reason he feels his years, well decades really, of playing bean bags in the backyard, with bud light in hand, has served a purpose.), correctly naming items, drawing shapes, and building block towers. When the woman handed chase a pencil and said, "Please write your name."  Chase grabbed the pencil and replied, "I'd rather draw a rock." So draw a rock he did.  I felt my entire body start to sweat.  Luckily, I had worn black (on purpose) so my pit stains from anxiety wouldn't show throw my shirt.  Although I wish I had a hankie to wipe the sweat beads from my forehead.  Those are harder to hide.  Chase wrote a letter or two from his name and moved on. (On a side note, I debated pulling out my phone and showing the lady a picture of Chase writing his name, so she did, in fact, know that he can write his name, but opted against it because I didn't want to be "that parent", although deep down, I am totally "that parent.") 

The woman also asked Chase what his full name was. Chase said, "Chase Charles." I was glad we dodged the "Chasey" bullet on this one. She asked Chase what his last name was and he replied, "It's a secret." Ok, child. You're not a spy. People can know your last name. My child happily spouted out his birthday with no problem, but his last name he would like to keep private.

Then we get to the last portion if the testing; critical thinking. Damn. I was worried and happy at the same time.  Worried because critical thinking could turn into a disaster with my nugget and happy that the hour long testing was almost done.  The woman testing pulled out a picture of a kitchen.  The lady said, "What is something that starts with the "b" sound?" Chase spotting a bug flying and pointed that out. She said, "Good Job." The women then said, "I see a fork laying on the floor. What should we do with it? (Trying to get Chase to say to pick it up.) Chase then replied, "I would use it to kill the bug." The lady didn't know what to say.  Cory and I both looked at each other horrified. The lady then said, "Is there something else you would do with it?" Chase replied, "Nope. I would still use it to kill the bug."  The woman scribbled something on her testing workbook and as a reflex I glanced to see what she wrote. It simply said, "kill bug." I just sat back in my chair and thought, "F**k." That's right. My child's school screening workbook actually contains the word, "kill" in it. Awesome. 

After this, Chase completed the vision and hearing screenings. Yeah, I know. I was a bit shocked (and proud) too. Then to complete the meeting, he put on his big boy panties and stepped in the scale. He knew this was a big moment. He looked over at me and said, "Looks like I get a big toy." The woman, without even looking up from her chart and says, "Oh, did you make a deal." Not as a question, but a statement. I replied, "We sure did." While thinking to myself, stop judging lady. You have no idea how this meeting could have went down.  

Cory and I walked out of the school high-5ing each other because we did know how this could have went down... But didn't.  We then headed to Target and Chase picked out a big toy. Best $49.99 I've ever spent. 

"Mom, take a picture of me."

Chase shooting a paintball gun. Because, what four year old doesn't?