I think there is a moment in every parent’s life when they
think, “Huh, where did I go wrong?” For
most parents this moment comes when their child is a teenager and they are
picking them up from the local jail with their child’s breath reeking of $7
vodka (which at the time, the child thinks is darn near top shelf. You know how many tables I had to wait on in
order to make $7?). Well, for me, I have this moment almost weekly. I’m not quite sure why this moment comes
weekly, but I’m starting to think it may be a reflection of my parenting. No, that can’t be. It must be something else, like a full moon
or something else parents blame their child’s behavior on.
This past weekend my family and I spent the day at a winery,
because clearly, when you have a three year old, that is the most appropriate place
to bring him. Right? Any ways, it’s too
early in the story to be judging my parenting already. Before the winery, we decided to stop at a
McDonald’s with a play place (because frankly, there is no point of stopping at
a McDonald’s without a play place when you have a child or you will be scarfing
down your McDouble while your child continually asks you: “Where is the play
place?” or “How many minutes until they get a play place?”). Well, after our feast
of all-you-can-eat nuggets, fries and soda, Chase and I headed to the rest
room. Not because he needed to use it,
but because he has now become like a growth on the side of my body that has
curly hair and teeth, and he can’t bear to stand just one second away from me. (Hey, I’m not saying I mind it, he is my
favorite person in the whole entire world and he thinks I’m “Da bomb.” Well, I’m sure he would think I was “Da bomb”
if he knew what that meant. So until he can debate otherwise, I am “Da-bomb.”)
Any way, while I am using the restroom, and Chase is staring at me using the
rest room (You may think that is odd to have two little eyes peering at you
while you pee and so did I once. You know back when I had some sort of dignity.)
he decides to strike up a conversation.
A one-sided conversation, made up with strictly facts. He tells me, “Girls
have a vagina and my boobs are bigger than yours, Mommy.”
Ouch.
Where did I go wrong? Oh yeah, I taught him to speak.
On a side note: Chase and I went to Target to do
some quick shopping before we headed off to the movie theater. Chase decided he needed, “just one toy for
being so “not naughty” today” and he was very “not naughty” so any debate I had
wouldn't hold up. So of course, he got to pick one toy. Naturally he decided to pick a pirate’s
hook. It took me 15 minutes into the
shopping trip to realize he kept trying to hook women’s purses as they walked
by. Apparently, another shopper realized what he was doing because she clenched
her purse tight under her arm as she tried to pass us in the shampoo aisle. Cute.
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