Ok. We have been potty training Ryder. And he has been doing fantastic but during this whole process I am reminded that there are many, many times where potty training makes you feel like a gigantic pedophile.
For instance, one evening we were at my parents house sitting out on their patio when Ryder announced that he needed to pee. He took a minute and picked out the best tree to pee on (because I am a lazy parent and walking inside to the actual restroom was out of the question). My Dad walked over to the tree to help Ryder pull down his pants. Of course Ryder was a sweaty mess from playing outside and had on many layers that included: shorts, underwear and a pull-up. As my Dad was struggling to help Ryder pull down his pants, Chase came over and said he would help. So there they are, my Dad and Chase struggling to pull down the pants of a 2 year old. Ryder, unimpressed with the whole process asked, "Now everyone is pulling down my pants?"
Cory was pretty excited this week when Ryder walked into the bathroom and saw Cory peeing. Ryder waddled up to him and said matter-of-factly, "You are peeing with your big penis." Cory pretty much high-fived himself (and has taken every opportunity possible to tell this story to anyone with ears).
And potty training is the reason I will not have any more children. Well, that and the sleepless nights and the ear infections, and the messes, and the zero personal space, and the ripped vagina. Definitely the ripped vagina.
Also, I'm pretty sure after potty training I have now become a certified doula. After all, I have spent the last 3 weeks saying phrases like, "Keep pushing." "Do you see anything coming out?" "You can do it. One more push." (But I'm pretty sure doulas don't reward their clients with 2 fruit snacks from the gas station after their last and final push.)
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