This summer Chase chose to participate in a soccer
class. And I say “participate”
loosely. Chase loved running up and down
the field, kicking the ball and playing with friends. Well, until the last 5 minutes of each practice
when the team scrimmaged.
Each child was handed a red or yellow jersey to put
on. All was fine and dandy until one
evening, Chase was handed a yellow jersey- THE HORROR! He was not pleased with
being on the “mustard” team, and let everyone know. And then from that night on, he was given a
yellow jersey. Every. Single. Time.
Cory and I would close our eyes every day when jerseys were
passed out, almost praying our child to be handed a red jersey. We must have horrible karma.
But if we thought scrimmage time was fun, you should guess
what is more fun than 5 and 6 year olds playing scrimmage… when 5 and 6 year
olds plus their parents play. Wait, I
may be getting fun and dangerous confused.
Yeah, as it turns out, I am getting them confused. It is all fun and games until your child gets
not one, but two soccer balls to the chest, delivered straight to him from his
father, kicking full force with a tiny Chase 5 feet away. Oh, and all while wearing a yellow
jersey. #soccersucks
But you know, we have the soccer team photo to help us remember
this special soccer summer.
Wait for it. Wait for
it. Ahh, there is our sweet Chasey
standing nicely next to his friend. Oh
wait, my darling Chasey is standing to the right of the child standing nicely by
his friend. Silly me and my aging
eyesight.
Why is it that every other parents gets a picture of their
little nugget smiling and enjoying soccer.
I get a picture of my child, arms crossed pretending to be a vampire in
a coffin. I don’t want to stifle his
creativity, but come on. There are no
vampires- or coffins for that matter- in soccer. And frankly, sometimes, I just want you to
follow directions without spicing it up a bit.
Oh, and did I mention that it was a group picture, so not only do I get
a picture of my vampire child to put on my fridge but so does every other
soccer mom on the team?
In other vampire news, I have spent the last week cutting
vampire teeth out of every white cardboard box around so Chase can pretend that
he is a vampire. This activity is then
followed up by bracing myself for my child’s disapproving feelings after the cardboard
vampire teeth become soggy from his slimy spit. Every. F-ing. Time. #chroniclesofavampiremom
Daily Forhead Smack… (I'm surprised I don't have a gigantic bruise smack dab in the middle of my forhead.)
Grandpa Jim: “Chase get your shoes on so we can go to the
movies.”
-Crickets-
Grandpa Jim repeats: “Chase get your shoes on so we can go
to the movies.”
Chase stares blankly at Grandpa for a few seconds and then
scurries off. He returns eating
chocolate pudding.
Chase: “You said to get my shoes on so I started eating
pudding.”
They never made it to the movies.
Forehead Smack.
