Who Doesn't Love a Little Butt Grab?

On Friday, Cory’s sister Emily graduated from High School (Yay- shout out to Emily).  (No, I am not too old or pale skinned to do a shout out but I do feel that the older you get, the more sparingly you should use them). Chase really enjoyed Emily’s graduation ceremony; well let me rephrase that; he enjoyed the end when everyone was standing around congratulating the graduates. 

After the actual ceremony, we were walking around the crowded gymnasium trying to decipher our graduate from the other graduates in their caps and gowns (it’s interesting how much people look alike when they are all wearing the same thing).  I was holding Chase’s hand to make sure he wouldn't get lost in the crowd of people.  As we got half way through the crowded gymnasium I noticed that guys (of all ages) were turning around and looking down at my child with a confused look on their face, but I didn't think much of it (as this happens more than you would think) and continued on our way to find Emily.  We finally found Emily and after a while of taking pictures and chatting we left. 

This time Cory held Chase’s hand and I followed behind them.  A few seconds into the walk to the other end of the gymnasium to leave, I saw gentlemen, again, looking down at Chase as he passed.  This seemed strange so I took a second and observed as my child trotted through the sea of people and I noticed something- something disturbing, but hilarious.  

Every time Chase would pass a male (of any age, ranging from teens to grandpas) who was facing away from him, he would reach his little hand up to their derriere and give it a little pinch. Obviously the men would turn around to see who had just violated them. As they made eye contact with Chase he would just innocently smile at them and continue on his way.  Chase would then giggle to himself as he scanned the crowd for his next victim.  

Needless to say, we had to hold both of Chase’s hands as we walked out of the graduation ceremony to get him to stop assaulting bystanders.  As we made it to the exit door of the gymnasium Chase looked up at Cory and me and said, “Oh man; that was funny.”  All Cory and I could do was laugh, because Chase was right, it was funny.     

Who doesn't paint with gloves on?

Red-rum and Frozen

So, we spent this memorial day weekend at the cabin and it proved to be another entertaining weekend with my little love (not that I expected anything different from my main squeeze).  Cory and his dad made Chase a tire swing. Chase spent many hours on the swing flying through the air with a slight breeze whispering through his curly hair. Out of nowhere while Cory's mom was pushing Chase in the swing, Chase raised his pointer finger high in the air and curled it like a hook. He looked Cory's mom right in the eye and growled, "red-rum." Cory`s mom, Lynne, did this action back to chase thinking he said, "red worm." I'm sure you can imagine my embarrassment when I had to correct her and say, "No. Chase didn't say red worm. He was actually saying, "red-rum"- which is murder spelt backwards." Cute huh?  (I'm guessing only Norma Bates and I have had this parenting experience.) On a much more pleasant note, one afternoon while I slipped away to my bedroom at the cabin to try to catch a quick nap (wishful thinking) I heard a sweet little knock at my door followed by a familiar tune- adlibbed a bit to fit Chase's needs of course (any parent out there know what movie this is from?), "Mommy, do you want to build a snowman? Or ride our bikes out in the hall? I think some company is overdue." Followed by a squeaky little giggle (obviously Chase was marveling at his wonderful singing voice and his spot on performance).  After hearing this I couldn't help but think two things.... 1. My child is a theatrical wizard (naturally) and 2. When will Frozen finally leave our lives? (It's like the herpes of Disney movies. Just when you think it's gone, you suffer from another outbreak. If only there was a topical cream for this.) Any who, Happy Memorial Day everyone! Artist Chase, completing his morning drawing while still in his pjs.  Isn't that when your best work is done? Painting a bird house.  Doesn't he look like Van Gogh?

Chase: 3, My Self-Esteem: 0

With my passion of writing comes my passion to find meaning in things- even if it isn't always there.  Being a parent has taught me that sometimes, I just need to take things at face value. 

Exhibit A:  The other day while Chase and I were walking outside (holding hands of course, because frankly, he isn't going to want to hold my hand for much longer so I need to take advantage of it now.) Chase looks at me and says, “You can always be my lady.”  As I attempted to hold back tears of simple delight, I looked at my little guy and said, “I will always be your lady.”  Then, looking directly back at me he says, without even blinking, “Yeah, my lady who always eats my snacks.”  (Chase:1, My self-esteem: 0)

Exhibit B: Chase and I were in the living room playing blocks, because I mean what else would I be doing on a Friday night?  Out of nowhere Chase says, “Mommy, you are on my side.”  Thinking this was some sort of relationship epiphany, I replied, “I will always be on your side buddy, no matter what I will be by your side.  You can always count on me.”  He then looked at me and said, “No, you are on my side of the blocks. You are blocking the red block that’s mine.”  (Chase: 2, My self-esteem: (still) 0)

Exhibit C: The other morning I got sick and was throwing up.  (No. It was not morning sickness as my father so kindly asked.) I must have caught a flu bug.  Cory was on a guy’s trip so it was just me and Chase at home.  I was in the bathroom sitting on a children’s stool with my head in the toilet (I was a little happy that I had a child that required a stool to reach the faucet because the stool came in handy and actually made my puking experience a little bit better than simply sitting on the cold tile).  Chase had followed me into the bathroom.  He laid his tiny little hand on my back and patted it.  In between hurling into the toilet I thought, Wow, my child is so sweet.  He is trying to make me feel better.  Moments later Chase asked, “Mommy, if you are puking who is going to turn on Scooby Doo for me?”   

(Chase: 3, My self-esteem: 0)

My self-esteem had one hell of a week. 

My Uterus, A Sock and A Smack in the Face

Hello world.  Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while.  We have had many life changes in the last few weeks (and no, we are not having another child and the life changes are all positive ones- depending on how you look at them.  But from my view- very positive!).

But speaking of having another child; I had a very disturbing conversation with my nephew, Holden, on Mother’s Day (of all days).  My nephew told me that he thinks I should have another child; specifically a girl.  (It seems as though everyone has very strong opinions about how my uterus should be filled right now- even children. And I say- “Uterus, who needs that?  I’ll swap my uterus for an extra liver any day.”) But in Holden’s mind there would be one catch to adding this happy addition to our family (isn’t there always a catch?). 

Holden sat me down and said, “You should have a baby girl.  But it’s too bad you will have to sell Chase to another country.”  Horrified at this statement, but willing to encourage it, I asked him, “What Country would we sell him too?” (I had my fingers crossed that it wasn't somewhere sunny because, like me, Chase has been blessed with skin pigment similar to Casper- and we all know how expensive sun screen can be.)  Holden replied, “Oh probably just California.”  Luckily, he is just in kindergarten and has many, many years to brush up on his geography.    

       

On another note- This past week I have gotten to spend more time at home with Chase.  And you know what more time at home means; more nap times (cha-ching)!  While getting to be a part of more nap times, there are a couple of things I have learned you don't want to hear from your toddler as you are trying to blissfully drift off to sleep:

1. “Open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise.” (I actually fell for this one- I know what you’re thinking.  Didn't you go to college?  Shouldn't you know to never ever close your eyes and open your mouth?  But I out of the corner of my eye I saw a Hershey’s chocolate bar sitting on the bed and thought that Chase would pop that into my mouth as my “big surprise.”  But no, I got a stinky sock balled up and shoved into my mouth.  Followed by the sound of a toddler cackling in the background.  (Please don’t ask why there was a chocolate bar in bed to begin with.)

2. “Want to see my magic trick?”  This turned out to not be a magic trick at all.  It turned out to be just a simple slap in the face- Literally; Chase smacked me in the face and said, “Tada.” (As if adding Tada at the end made it magical.)

Anyway, who cares? It was just a measly, moldy sock in the mouth and a slightly bruised face. But I got a three hour nap one day and to me that is a parenting win.