Knitting and Cheese

Over the past year, Cory and I have come to believe that our child is the King of randomness- below are some random conversations from the last day that made me laugh:

Cory (to Chase as Chase was finishing a yawn): “Chase, are you getting sleepy?”

Chase (to Cory): “Shrek has a donkey!”

I don't think Cory knew how to respond to this, so he didn't. He just looked at me and said, "Random."

Chase (to me): “When you get bigger you should knit.  Then you can make me a blanket.” (What two year old knows what knitting is? Because I’m pretty sure at my age I still don’t completely understand the concept of knitting and why people do it.  I feel like I understand the concept behind the Loch Ness Monster (otherwise known as Nessie) more than the concept of knitting.)

Chase (to Cory out of nowhere while they were watching a movie):  "You're a picture-Greek." (aka pipsqueak) 

And yes, my apologies to anyone who may have been disturbed at Cashwise tonight by the sound of my tot belting out, "Lou, Lou, skip to my Lou" in the middle of the ketchup aisle (while skipping and twerking). 

On a completely unrelated note:  Chase told his daycare provider today, "Can I have some of your cheese?  My mommy can't afford to buy cheese." 

It doesn't look like he is starving.  :) 

Baby Maker

Today, Chase and I spent a lot of time at different toddler gyms and play places.  These outings have really reinforced the fact that my child needs to stop speaking… like all together.

Exhibit A:  A mother came up to me at the toddler gym and said, “I’ve been watching your son for a while and he is so funny.  Every time he misses catching a ball he says, “shucks” like an old man. He’s a character.” She then walked away (and so did I). 

Exhibit B: While Chase was standing by another little boy who was playing catch with his dad, Chase observed this child getting hit in the- let’s say, private area- and instead of feeling sympathy for this child he cheered (obviously loudly) “Yeah, right in the baby maker.”  We had to leave after this.   

Don’t get me wrong, I love that my child is expanding his vocabulary daily, but seriously, baby maker? (Insert the sound of me smacking my head against the table and surrendering.)

Let's Make A Deal

Everyday, while raising a toddler, I feel like I am on “Let’s Make A Deal” and I'm in the last round giving it my best shot trying not to mess up, because frankly, if I don’t win now against a 2 year old, I may just come to terms with the fact that I will never win, ever again.  

For instance, the other day we were on a play-date at McDonald’s.  The mother’s enjoyed a hearty McDouble while the tots played in the play place while munching on French fries they discovered on their mission to the slide (but honestly, the kids were too far away to stop them from eating someone else's leftover fries and it's situations like this that build my child's immune system (yeah, I totally think this now but I would never tell this to Chase's doctor). 

This particular McDonald's has a basketball hoop and a climbing gym (To a two year old, this is quite the score.).  These two activities are great, individually, but there is no telling how much havoc can be reeked if these two activities are combined.  So, naturally, my child wanted to play both activities at the same time. 

He grabbed a ball from the basketball area, as sneakily as he could (well I don't think a 2 year old who is constantly chatting up a storm- to himself or anyone within hear shot of him- can be that sneaky, but he gave it a fair shot).  I heard him from a distance discussing his plan with himself.  His conversation went a little something like this, "Yeah, I'll bring the ball up the stairs and throw it.  It's a mighty great plan."  After hearing his "mighty great plan" I knew I had to intervene. 

So I walked over to him (after I put down my McDouble, wiped the ketchup from my face, took a quick slurp of soda and grabbed three fries for the way), knelt down on my knees and asked him what he was doing.  He was honest and told me his mighty great plan.  I told him that I didn't think it was a good plan because kids could get hurt (which is my typical go-to phrase when I don't approve of an activity) and as I said this, the corner of his lips started to quiver. I knew at this second my child was going to be unhappy and since I hate when he is unhappy (and a tantrum would probably lead to us having to leave McDonald's and I still wanted to finish my fries and get at least 2 more soda refills-Who doesn't feel like they should drink their weight in fountain pop when they go out to eat?), I totally made a deal with him.  I told him that he could bring the ball up the play gym as long as he didn't throw it at anyone’s face. 

Fair?  I think so.  (Although, I probably should have added that he couldn't throw the ball at anyone's body parts as part of my deal- oops my bad!)

Mommy: 1  Chase: 0 

No wait, I think Chase actually may have come out ahead on this round, but I can't quite tell- so we'll call this one a tie.

Awesome Things About Being A Parent

There are so many awesome things about being a parent, here are some of them: 

*You get to purchase Oreos at the grocery store and not feel like the Cashier is judging you. You then get to take them home, give your child one, and save the rest for when he goes to bed. (And then tell him the next day that Daddy ate them.)

*You have an excuse to have a messy car- or disgusting one in my case.  I mean, only a great parent wouldn't want to waste time cleaning out their vehicle because they might miss out on quality time with their little ones. And that my friend is priceless.  (Are you buying this one?  Because I almost am.)

*You have an excuse to watch Despicable Me and Monster’s University in the movie theater without feeling like a creep.

*You get a free pass to leave any function or event early because- you need to leave for nap-time or bedtime or because you bribed your child to say he is sick.  I think this one is fair; after all, you did birth your child, so that gives you all rights to use them as a pawn whenever needed.  (Side note: If I ever leave your function or event early and I tell you it's because of any of the reasons listed above, I’m sure the reason is legitimate and I’m not leaving just because your party is lame.)

*You get to make absolutely no plans on a Saturday night and still have a blast.   (That is if you like playing with play-dough and reading Dr. Seuss books until you are blue in the face.) 

*You get to nap on the weekends when your toddler does because you are exhausted from building Lego castles and picking boogers too. 

On a side note: I don't know where my child's vocabulary comes from.  Chase uses words that I don't use-ever, so either I need to pay daycare more or have Chase watch tv less.   

-The other day Chase called a yellow dice (or die if you're one of "those" people) a golden cube.  Really?  What 2 year old uses those describing words?  Most other two year olds would have picked up the die, put it in their mouth and went on their merry way. 

 -The other day at the store we passed the toy aisle.  We went by a princess crown and Chase announced, "That's a pretty tiara." (Forehead smack.) 

- Today, Chase brought me a medal on a ribbon and told me that his "amulet" was actually made for me and put it around my neck. (This was a very sweet gesture, but strange... very strange.) 

Being a parent is AWESOME!  

Mommy Farted!

Yesterday, we decided to spend the chilly day indoors at the Mall of America.  Our day was filled with rides, sea animals, Legos and shopping (Sounds like a pretty magical Sunday).  All was going well until we went into one of my favorite clothing stores.

I needed to go into the dressing room and try on a pair of jeans and a shirt.  Chase decided he wanted to tag along.  So tag along he did.  Every time we are in a dressing room, Chase makes me a promise.  He promises that if I let him out of the stroller he will “stay by me.” Chase usually does very well with this promise, so I agreed.  

Chase did stay by me, with the expectation of sitting on the ground and trying to scoot out underneath the dressing room door backwards.  He then proceeded to tell me, “I’m still here, only my squish butt is out.”  I decided to let this one go because I was hoping that if I didn't give him a reaction, hopefully he would stop this less than desirable activity.  (But looking back, I wish he would have continued that activity because the one to come ahead wasn't any better.)  After he didn't get a reaction, he did indeed move onto another activity.  The activity happened to be yelling, “Mommy, I see your undies,” and then he continued on to describe them (of course at the top of his lungs).  When I was done dressing, the dressing room attendant had tears in her eyes from laughing at our conversations.  And naturally, I walked out without making eye contact- pretending like nothing ever happened.   (On a side note: I am a little happy that I wore underwear because I can’t imagine his describing words if I hadn't.)

So, as it turns out- Chase describing my underwear to an entire dressing room full of people wasn't the most embarrassing moment in this store….

After the dressing room incident, we proceeded to the checkout.  While waiting to pay for my clothes, Cory was holding Chase next to me in line.  Then it happened...  Chase let out a huge fart.  He looks at Cory and yells (as if they had been rehearsing this for weeks), “Mom farted!” Everyone burst out laughing (except for me).  It started to cause a seen in the store so Cory carried Chase out of the store as quickly as he could, all while Chase was asking every store attendant he saw on the way out, “Why did my Mommy fart?”

At this point, we packed up our stuff and headed home, because after all, no half price pair of jeans is worth this humiliation. 

Side Story: Last night, after we returned home from shopping, we were talking about what job Chase wants when he is older.  I asked him if he wanted to work with babies, be a teacher, a police officer or a fireman? Cory chimed in and asked, "Or do you want to work with electricity like Daddy?"  Chase then looked at me and said while shaking his head in agreement, "Yeah, I want to sit on the couch like Daddy does."    

If that's not a kick to the self-esteem, I don't know what is.  

Happy Chilly Monday!! 

Chase Quotes

Below are some Chase quotes from the last 2 days.  He cracks me up and boggles my mind at the same time.  I wish I could see what goes on in his head.... 

"Green light means go, red light means... oh, spicy."  

(I guess we need to focus more on driving and less on all things edible.) 

"Mom, I have an alarm clock in my hat. It says it's not bedtime.  It says I need another big screen tv too."

(I wonder if I have an alarm clock in my hat that says I should buy a new pair of boots.)

"I shave my tummy and my nephew."

(I can't even comment on this one. There is no way I can comment and not have it come out creepy.) 

And my personal favorite:

"Skunks make me Holla!"

(Huh?)

Yes, my child is petting a skunk and eating a blueberry muffin.  Classy.